Death of a Cookie Saleswoman


Try hard. None of it matters. Don’t say that. There’s so many badges to choose from. Wood worker, animal helper, scribe and of course cookie business! Ha. Cookie business. That’s all this is. A cookie business. Um… who are you? Me? I’m Sarah. Sarah Lowoman. From Troop 2-1-2. Are Are we suppose to know who that is? Maybe once. But now I’m just a pile of cookie crumbles. It can’t be that bad. It is. Look at me. Do you want to look like this when you’re fifteen! Ew. My best selling day are behind me. Now I’m nothing. What happened to you? (Coughing) Cookies are suppose to be about fun and learning business skills to succeed in the modern world. That’s what they sold me too. The truth. Cookies are pathway to a shallow grave behind
your mom’s work. Shallow grave? Are you a ghost? Of my former self? Yes. Listen to what happened to me. Uh no, we’re we’re okay. I was like you. Like a young deer bright eyed and bushy tailed and riddled with tick born illnesses. That’s gross. I was excited to sell cookies. I studied. I rose through the ranks. I got the cookie business badge 1 and 2 at the Brownie level. Cookie business badge 1 and 2 at the juniorlevel. Cookie business badge 1, 2 and 3. Cookie business badge 1. Are there too many cookie business badges? There could never be enough. I went everywhere to sell them. My Mom’s work. My Dad’s work. My Step Dad’s work. Anywhere I could make somebody uncomfortable for not encouraging a young woman on her rise to the top. Vertical integration baby! I was learning business. I was going to be a shark. Maybe we should explore the wood worker badge. Then in 2015 everything changed. The Girl Scouts of the United States of America launched Digital Cookie. No longer did people have to make awkward conversation with an eleven year old in pig tails at the grocery store to buy their cookies. They could do it from the comfort of their own home. Well I mean, yeah. That makes it easier for My skills gone stale and my cookies was crumbled. But girl scouts still get credit for sales made online. Yeah, there’s a really easy interface to enter a scout’s information. Scoff. Online. Interface. These words don’t mean anything to me. I’m old. You’re fifteen. Weren’t you born in 2004. 2003. My birthday is in September. So the lesson here is to not become diabolically obsessed with selling cookies. And to understand how to use the Internet. If you take anything away from me. Remember this. No matter how successful you become the Internet will always crush you. Is there a computer science badge? Maybe we should make a website? Augh!

2 thoughts on “Death of a Cookie Saleswoman

  1. Love this! Reminds me of the old days when I was a Girl Scout going door to door in my neighborhood trying to score some sales! 😂😂😂

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