100 COOKIES FOR MY 100 SUBSCRIBERS


ow hey I don’t know what y’all *screams* (it’s a vine) I don’t even know where to begin because, like two days ago, I was at like 60 or 70 subscribers and then now I’m at over 100 And I know 100 isn’t a lot But it’s still a decently large number at least for my standards so, today, to celebrate, I thought we’d make a hundred cookies Is this a good idea? no, because I feel like I’ve been getting fatter, and this is only going to make me even more fat we’re just gonna use the recipe on the back of this pack of chocolate chips and um lets just embrace the diabetes, you know let’s just give a bear hug to the cancer anyways *kazoo* So, my last cooking video didn’t really go that well If you can recall, it was that pizza video and um, the pizza, it was not eatable it made a huge mess, and my mom was mad at me after it so my mom sat down with me, we went through the whore recipe I have like most of the ingredients set out I’m going to make this taste good That being said, there’s still a very high possibility that this just goes terribly so yeah *screams into void* I’m sorry, did you say something? Step 1: pre-heat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit I already forgot how to do this Ok um, bake 3 7 no oh god no How did I already mess up 375 Do we hear that? Step number 2: beat one cup of softened butter with one cup of packed brown sugar ok we’re going to use margarine instead of butter because I don’t want my arteries to just be clogged this is a really bad idea, I don’t like where this is going already yesterday, I stayed up until like 11:30 watching the office and I’m on season 9 episode 15 and I’m starting to get nervous because that means I’m almost done with the series I discovered The Office around March of this year and um I’m just binge-watching the hell out of that TV show and um I actually don’t know what my life is going to be after it’s finished *dramatic music* *distorted voice* We’re getting fat today, buddy cough *fart noises* everyone, I’d like to introduce you to my friend, heart disease if you ask me, I’m not all that big on sweets never was, probably never will be but, every once in a while, I’ll just find a cookie, a slice of cake, a pie apple pie, peach pie, grapefruit pie and I’ll just be like (distorted voice) “I need to eat that, right now” and today is kind of one of those days I mean, I’m not going to eat all of the cookies Originally, I was going to send one of the cookies to each of my subscribers but then I was like oh wait, I don’t even know where most of you live and I’m not just going to pop onto youtube and be like “hey guys leave your addresses in the comments below” because that would be kind of um, you know, kind of problematic step number 3: one cup of brown sugar now, I didn’t really think this through because I only have one measuring cup that really measures one cup and I already used that on butter, so *piano music* yikes oh god, no *inhales* *exhales* ok, I’m gonna put my brain together here for a moment since I can’t use this one cup thing, I’m going to use two of these half cup things did your parents ever tell you not to eat sugar? like, raw? I remember when I was a little kid and my parents weren’t home I’d just go in the cupboard and take the sugar thing and just eat spoonfuls of it Or maybe I still do that now and you just don’t know I’m gonna mix this now because um I think that’s right? *angry guitar music* *cough* honestly, this is your fault you’re the one who subscribed, so you’re the one who’s giving me diabetes anyone want a bite? this is where the real fun begins we have to beat in two eggs and a tablespoon of vanilla extract things are about to get violent up in here aaAAAAh *dramatic noise* I’m scared hello? I have a dad joke for you what’s the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus station? one’s a dusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean! *laugh track* cough after this video, Gordon Ramsay is just going to be a thing of the past you know, I only know one chef, and her name is Joana Ceddia cough aaaAAAAAAA WHERE’S THE LAMB SAUUUUUCE hoo got a bit carried away there ok not gonna lie, that’s looking kind of disgusting “disgusting” (scottish accent) it’s kind of like if cellulite was a food I mean, nothing against cellulite, but you know I don’t really want to eat it ok this is getting so weird next step: vanilla extract I still don’t get the point of vanilla extract, like it literally tastes like ass like it smells fine but cough oh no, nuh uh who would drink that? one and a half teaspoons one teaspoon, half a teaspoon! so the next step is to mix in all the dry ingredients we have a little bowl here stir two cups of all purpose flour with one teaspoon of baking soda and half a teaspoon of salt in a separate bowl gradually beat into butter mixture ok, that’s already so much for me oh that’s nice, that’s so nice *happy trumpet music* flour’s done. baking soda. a teaspoon. a teaspoon. wait, what is a dessert spoon? um, hello? ok, whoever designed this is stupid now some salt how does this oh, sugar we are going to have some salty cookies I just farted and it didn’t smell good ok, now is where I think this could definitely go south *YEEHAW* I have to mix this gradually into here, and I’m culinarily challenged, you could say so, that is definitely going to be a task let’s just say a quick prayer *trisha payta’s HIT SONG, I love you jesus here on CFXJ-FM to start off your morning with holy start* *jesus my superstar deep fried version plays* ok I’m struggling now that the real meat of the cookies are finished *fun time piano music* ok, hi there, so I wanna make a hundred cookies so, I have to figure out how big the cookies are going to be for that, I had to measure out how much batter I made but, you know, I couldn’t just measure it all inside the bowl because the bowl weighs like a ton so my measurements are going to be inaccurate so what did I have to do? I had to measure the batter. and um prepare yourselves, because this is what I did mom, if you’re watching, I’m so sorry I should never be allowed in the kitchen again so just take a deep breath let’s do it together, ok? *inhales* *exhales* ready? ok. *pop music* *crying* so now that I’ve measured the cookies, it’s about a thousand grams of batter so that means that each cookie has to be 10 grams. that should be pretty easy, but I always find a way to mess stuff up so- ok, I’m going to make these hundred cookies, and I’ll see you guys when it’s done this is going to be very overwhelming pray for me, please *flute music* ow ok, that’s terrible oh, that’s just great if you’re wondering what happened in that last clip, let me explain so I was removing that circular tray from the bottom ledge, and for some reason, I tilted it and all the cookies fell on the bottom of the oven and then I started to freak out, so with my other ungloved hand, I grabbed the other side of the scorching hot tray- it was a little bit like this vine wE’rE jUSt frIeNdS, WhAt aRe yoU sAyinG- AHHH AAH so now I’m holding this ice cube, because I’m a wuss and this hurts way too much for me to even function so yeah so nevertheless, the cookies came out, and just by looking at them, they look pretty good so I mean, not going to lie, it’s definitely a step up from the pizza ok this ice cube is not working so let’s just take a bite *dramatic music* “the prophecy is true” these are the best cookies I’ve ever had I’m so proud of myself for once in my life, a baking project has actually gone well! oh my god they’re so good what can I say, Gordon Ramsay, move over Jamie Oliver? who’s that? *Jamie Oliver has left the group chat* anyways, before I ended this video, I just wanted to say one more big thank you to all of you thank you all so much for subscribing for some context, when I got one subscriber, I freaked out. When I got 10, I had a heart attack so now it’s like all of god’s wrath is just raining down on me hope you guys enjoyed it these cookies are really good *slurps* see you later, boobsters ew

100 thoughts on “100 COOKIES FOR MY 100 SUBSCRIBERS

  1. R u kidding. Last year in august i had 300 so that 200 over her . AND NOW I HAVE 400 AND SHE HAS 2.8 MILLION.
    I remember i watched her once when she had like 50 subs and i was like. HAH LOL. I HAVE 300. and now……………………..pls end me. ._.

  2. I know once i was done watching the office i was like wtf will i do now. So i find new shows to binge watch over and over

  3. The fact is-

    I was here-

    When she had-

    Maybe- 200 subscribers-

    Is a yay-

    I've been watching my daughter grow up-
    Jkk- but still-
    It has been fun watching you grow up- and-
    Well- now you have your driver's license- so yeeeee lmao i'm proud

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